My wife is a better dwarf than I am :(

When my wife and I walked back from the Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug to our car parked in an underground car park, I was struck with a sad realisation. My wife is truly a better dwarf than I am. Dwarves rock! I would choose a dwarf any time of day over a "who-maaan" or gods-forbid an elf. Nonetheless, I have proven time and again that I am no good as one :(

As we have seen in the last two films of the Hobbit and read in countless fantasy books, dwarves will never get lost underground (as a matter of fact, anywhere with a ceiling above them), but above ground they are, in fact, worse than your average city idiot. Orientation by the stars. Nah. But orientation underground in near darkness with a ceiling above their heads. Where is east? That way. No problem-o.

The underground car park, I spoke of, is a veritable maze. I kid you not, it officially only has two levels (or is it three?), but you can go down 5 flights of stairs and still only be at -1. Of course, it has a million and two entrances and we entered through a different one than we left. We came underground and suddenly I was lost. I had no idea where to go. It wasn't that everything looked the same. Quite the opposite, everything looked unfamiliar, wherever I turned!

My wife to the rescue! Quote: "It's easy, just go left there. See those stairs. Down one. Turn right, walk straight for a bit and then to our left will be our car."

I felt like crying that moment.

With sadness, I remembered back to our time in Manchester (UK) together, where we sometimes had to go to the Arndale Center. It is a circular shopping mall with two levels. At no point in that British crystal labyrinth was I ever able to find anything! I think she enjoyed meeting me there, because I would enter at a random entrance and it doesn't matter where, I will find the longest way to the meeting point. Instinctively turning the wrong way was my forté. My wife on the other hand oriented herself by landmarks entirely hidden to me. Benches with a chink in the metal. Shoe shops. The shop with all the women dressed in pink. The list of absuridities goes on and on.

There are many examples like the two above. I am sure, she would have a field day in Glasgow's Waxy O'Connors. However painful it is for me, I must admit to myself. My wife may be as beautiful, graceful and elegant as an elf, but on the inside there pounces the heart of a dwarf in the (seductively pretty). Whereas in mine, ploppers the meager heart of a mere human :(

Circumstantial RPG Writer's Block

Anyone who follows this blog knows by now, that I am playing a The Dark Eye ("Das Schwarze Auge") Role-playing game with a group of friends. To round it all off, I happened to be the GM for the game.

When I started this, I had loads and loads of ideas for telling a story and helping the players to develop their characters and only the twelve higher gods, their countless demi-god children, Rastullah, The Nameless God, the demons of the lesser hells, the archdemons and some god-like giants know what else. Due to my recent long-term unemployment (that has finally come to an end) and my current surroundings, I seem to be unable to muster up the inspiration and enthusiasm to carry on writing on my campaign.

It pisses me off, in fact. I know what needs to be done. I have been doing it successfully for quite some time. It's just that when I sit down to do it, I seem to be unable to connect the dots and fill up the grey areas with life. This came to me so easily only a year ago. Now, whenever I try, I end up thinking about what needs to be done for the new job, insurances, my wifes impending PhD defense, making sure the car is alright etc. etc. you get the picture.

It is just not a good mindset for creating a story in a medieval fantasy setting with magic where the heroes of the story need to rescue an innocent elven child from a catatonic state with the help of a long lost divine artifact that they need to find by following the almost forgotten trail of four noble knights who hid it from the clutches of a mad demon-summoning empress a thousand years ago.

If someone knows a cure to this ailment, I bid them inform me of it. I tried all my previously working recipes. Listening to Power Metal and bard's music, reading fantasy books, hell even playing fantasy RPG videogames doesn't help.

Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition

I know, as usual, I am late to the party, but I finally got round to playing Baldur's Gate I: Enhanced Edition. I was skeptical at first. I really was. Why on earth would I buy this game... again?!? Well, it is more than ten years old (1st release 1998, so that makes is now... 15 years at the time of writing). The video game landscape has changed "dramatically" since then. I got it cheap and thought I'd give it a try and I was really amazed by it.

Obviously they increased the resolution to modern standards... which made me aware how small all the maps were, but not only that. All those little annoying bits, that I annoyed me last time round, they ironed out. There is a quick save button! Also, they made a simple "copy Note" button, when reading a note in the game. That way you have them all, and you can easily discard the ones you found. "So" much easier and nicer. In the original, I always ended up using a chest that I knew I would always have access to and dump all the information scrolls into it.

I haven't encountered any of the new characters, but given it would appear that the new ones have a slant towards neutral/evil. Thus, I can finally play an evil party without too many constraints :) Currently, I am enjoying myself greatly and we'll see what else it brings. I heard rumours that now with BG II:EE having come out, they may be working on Planescape: Torment Enhanced Edition. The de facto best role-playing video game ever to be made.

Let's hope, they get that far. I will buy straight away. I just wonder if any new characters can live up to the old ones, which are just the most amazing creatures ever.